Dear Ryan:
I can not even fathom what you may be going through right now, nor what is going through your mind at this time. But I feel that as time goes on, you will fall by the wayside, and those who do remember you, will remember you only to blame you.
The next few days and weeks are likely going to be the hardest you have ever faced. Along with losing your mother, you have to deal with the fallout of how you lost her - who killed her and why? You're dealing with the loss of your brother too, and on a much greater scale, you have to come to terms with the fact that you lost him to suicide after he let loose on 20 young children in a classroom and 8 adults, including your mother, though she was killed at home, the rest at the school.
People will probably want to know from you why Adam did what he did. Do you know? If you do, please help the people who are looking for answers get some of those answers. If you don't know the answer, be prepared for people to respond with anger. How could you not know? How could you not see signs? Well, Ryan, the parents of the boys at Columbine didn't know what their plans were that morning.
I don't have any children at Sandy Hook. I don't even live in the US, but this news is international. Friends of mine in Israel have commented. So why am I writing this? I have two small children of my oen. Nine year old twin girls. The thought that someone could get into their school and wreak the same kind of havoc your brother did, is not far from my mind.
But what I want you to know, is that as a parent, who like every other person in the world is asking "why?", I don't blame you. I suspect you may be faced with months and years of people treating you with hatred and anger because you are the only person that people will be able to lay blame on, simply by the fact that your parents had two sons.
It's unfair to blame you for what your brother did. I hope that as the days, weeks, months and years pass, as people learn to cope with the tragedy, that you are also able to find some peace. We may never know the whys, and I hope we never have to live through this again, but for you, your family and the familes of Sandy Hook, this will always be on the surface.
Reach out to people if you need help dealing with your own issues that come from this tragedy. And when you start hearing people blame you for your brother's actions, remember that not everyone does. We're all trying to come to terms with this
I wish you nothing buy peace and the ability to move on from this tragedy.
A friend,
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