Want To Hear Some Juicy Gossip?

How did you react to that title?  What was the first thing that came to your mind?  "OOOOH!! Yes!!"? "I wonder who it's about!?" "How juicy?"?

Continuing on the theme of "things I learned in Israel", we had a talk about gossip and lies by Lori Palatnik.  We also continued this theme this week with our Rebbitzen, Paula Rand, who was also our City leader on the trip.

Did you know that it is worse in the eyes of Hashem to speak badly about someone than to hold your tongue?  The Talmud tells us that the tongue is a powerful weapon.  It is so powerful that it is protected behind two walls - your lips and your teeth.

This is how powerful our words are:  We can build with our words, and we can destroy with our words.

Think of it this way:  Imagine 2 scenarios - You are speaking to a child who has, after repeated requests, continued to throw a ball in the house.  The child breaks a vase.  It's not an expensive vase, but it was your grandmother's and you really liked it.  It was very sentimental to you, and now it's shattered.

Building with words:  "Oy!! The vase!! I am really not happy with what you did.  I asked you to stop throwing the ball, and now the vase is broken." 

Has the child been blamed in any way? No.  Does the child feel bad? Most likely. And the child will most likely apologize.  And feel badly for what happened.

Destroying with words:  "Oy!! The vase!! You stupid clod!!  I asked you to stop throwing the ball and you stupid idiot!! You broke the vase!!"


What's the difference?  I'm sure it's glaring right at you.  In the first scenario, you have admonished the child's action.  In the second scenario, you have admonished the child's soul.  They're very being.  You have called the child stupid.

One thing we are taught in Judaism is to judge the action, not the person.  People do dumb things - but that does not make people dumb.

But I digress and that's an entirely different post.

So, gossip.  In Hebrew it's called "Lashon Hara".  Which literally translated means "evil tongue" or "evil language".

There are always three participants in Lashon Hara - the person speaking, the person listening and the person being spoken about.

How do you know you're speaking Lashon Hara?  There's a litmus test (and possibly an app - I haven't checked the App Store recently).

If you would be ashamed if someone were to speak about you in the way you speak to others, you're speaking Lashon Hara.

There are three Cardinal Sins that according to the Torah you should die rather than commit yourself:
1. Murder
2. Adultery
3. Sexual Immorality.

Lashon Hara is worse than all three of these put together!!

As a matter of fact, there are three people being morally killed when someone speaks Lashon Hara.  The person speaking, the person being spoken about and the  listener.

It is Lashon Hara even if it is true, even if the listener pressures you, even if names are left out and if it is about the speaker's own family.

So, now you realize, you've spoken Lashon Hara.  What do you do?  Can you take it back?  Can you be forgiven? Yes.

One of the gifts we have from Hashem is that we have the ability to atone.  But in order to properly atone, you must feel remorse for what you have done.  You must verbalize and acknowledge the sin to Hashem - and to the person involved, unless this will cause a huge rift between you, the person and possibly someone else.  And you must remove yourself from the sin.  At some point, Hashem will test you by putting you in the exact same situation.  If you don't speak Lashon Hara, then it is as if the first transgression never, ever happened in your life.  T'shuva (repentance/atonement) is a process. It doesn't happen overnight.

What if the person doesn't forgive you?  Well, the Torah tells us we must ask the person three times to forgive us. If, after three times they still don't forgive you, you have done what you can, and Hashem will forgive you.

But wait!  Is it ever okay to speak Lashon Hara?  Believe it or not, yes.  Surprised!?  I was too.  So when is it possible to speak Lashon Hara?

1.  If someone is about to go into business with someone and you know that person is fraudlent with money.
2. If it has to do with a shidduch (a matchmaking).
3. If the reason is to help someone to improve.
4. To prevent someone from being hurt by the subject.
5. To end a dispute that could escalate to the community.

However before you get excited, there are seven criterion that must be met before you can speak Lashon Hara.

1. It must be completely true and verified by the speaker - and witnessed if possible.
2. Must be a problem from an objective viewpoint.  You can't speak Lashon Hara because someone wronged you - if you can't be objective, you can't speak Lashon Hara about someone.
3. You must rebuke the subject gently - don't go with a knee jerk reaction.
4. You can not exaggerate or embellish, even if only to get the listener to listen.
5. Your intention MUST be PURELY to improve the situation - not to cause further rift, even if it is to protect the listener.
6. If the constructive purpose can be attained WITHOUT resorting to Lashon Hara, that way must be used instead.
7. It must be for a constructive purpose.

So, you know how to repent and you know when it's possible to speak Lashon Hara.  But why do we do it in the first place?

Well, words are power.  We gossip for entertainment ("what's the latest on Tom and Katie?").  Human beings are arrogant.  And we have bad habits.

So, do you still want to hear some juicy gossip?  Yeah. Me too.  But I'm trying to stop being a part of it.

I'm a Chaim Bracha and Proud of it!!

On my trip to Israel, we had several lectures as part of the trip.

One of the lectures/classes was called "The Kabbalah of You".  In this class, we were told about the three personality types.  Lori Palatnik spoke about the three types: Chaim, Bracha, Tov.  Each one correlates to the three Fathers of Judaism - Issac, Abraham and Jacob.

Each personality type has a soul manifestation and a body manifestation and everyone has some of all 3.  However, there is one soul manifestation and one body manifestation that is sort of your 'default'.

Lori also has this lecture on CD, which I've been listening in my car.

So I'll give you basics - because Lori really does this much more justice than I can.

Chaim corresponds to Life and to our Father Yakov (Jacob)
Soul Manifestation of Chaim
Chaim people are highly intelligent and 'out of the box' thinkers.   They have a hard time with rules, structure and authority.  They like to just think and tend to be introverted.  they are the least socially adept an often feel like the odd person out.  Even in their family. Chaims also have wonderful long-term memories (sound familiar?)

Body Manifestation of Chaim
A Chaim body is a thinking body.  They are like walking barometers and are very aware of people. They are the type of person who will go into a shiva or to a funeral and you can practically wring the pain and emotion out of them. They sleep as an escape and can often become addicted to drugs or alcohol to dull the pain of the world around them.

Bracha corresponds to Blessing and to our Father Abraham.
Soul Manifestation of Bracha
Bracha is heart.  They tend to be extroverted and see the glass as half full.  They are not complex people and people are drawn to them because Brachas are drawn to people.  They don't overthink and tend to skirt along the top of things.

Body Manifesation of Bracha
Bracha bodies are pleasure bodies.  They are happy to sit in a hammock and watch the sun set for four hours.  Brachas sleep for the pleasure of sleeping.  They are one with the couch.  Often late, they don't wear watches.  Often described as  lazy people (natch).

Tov corresponds to Good and our Father Isaac.
Soul Manifestation of Tov
Tovs get pleasure from doing the right thing.  They follow rules because it's the right thing to do.  There are two types - Judgemental and non-Judgemental.   They are hard on other people and especially hard on themselves.  They are leaders who stay in the game.  They arrive exactly on time.  They are tense and their children are often tense. They "invented" rules and regulations, structure and authority.  Tovs run the world (Yep, Stephen Harper, Barak Obama, the Chancellor of Germany - all Tovs)  People respect Tovs.

Body Manifestation of Tov
They are action people.  They are accomplishers.  They get pleasure from doing and are easily bored.  They like to accomplish things and view sleep as a necessary evil - almost as a punishment.

So, where do I fall into all of this?  I am a Chaim Bracha.
Anyone who knows me knows I am sarcastic, cynical and can have a dry sense of humour - however most people I know appreciate that (mostly).  I do overthink things and often feel like the "odd one out".  And don't get me started on my memory.  Just ask my  husband about it.  That's my Soul.

My body is a Bracha.  I am totally a Bracha body. I love sleep.  I could spend an entire day with a book in a hammock and then stay and watch the sun set.  Although I tend to be more or less on time, I don't wear a watch.  (I think my timeliness has to do with my Chaim Soul and the little bit of Tov - since we have all 3 in us).

Where are you?

Israel.

I can't believe my trip is over. It has been a truly whirlwind trip. We landed early in the morning on October 23. From the airport we headed to Tiberias where we spent a good part of the day at a spa hanging out at the natural hot springs. It was so relaxing and a perfect start to the trip.

That night was a dinner at Decks, which is on the Sea of Galilee. We were so warmly welcomed.

The next morning, after a lecture by Ken Spiro, we headed to Tzfat, which is a very holy and also very arty place. We saw a glassblower at work and I bought some of her painted art.

We had a tour of the city and saw some synagogues (NOTHING like at home!!). We learned a little of the history of the city, that it is where the Kabbalah was born, and that Jewish Mysticism is NOT what Madonna practices.

We were then treated to a late lunch at The Red Khan.

From there it was onto the busses for the 3 hour drive to Jerusalem. Once there, we got checked in, then we're on our own for the evening.

Wednesday morning, we got up and had breakfast at the hotel, then headed to the Aish building for the start of our lecture series in the old City.

We had lunch on our own and then returned to go to the Kotel.

There were lectures every day, and they were all inspiring.

One of our trips was to Yad Vashem, the holocaust memorial, and from there we went to an orphanage that is so much more than an orphanage. They run a day care program and an after school program for girls who can stay at home, but whose parents may not be able to provide some of the necessities. The girls made us prayer mats - laminated mats with the candle lighting blessing and blessing for children. The girls decorated them, and with my limited Hebrew and her limited English, we made a nice mat.

We got to tour the old city and we tools tour of the tunnels under the Kotel.

Saturday was Shabbos, so while there were lectures, we were also treated to a bit of a lie in and also the Third Meal on the rooftop of Abba and Pamela Claman's beautiful home overlooking the Kotel and the old city. We ate with soldiers who are all being sworn in as officers this week. I met Estie, a shy seeming and cute girl. Amazing to think that after this week, she will be in charge of a group of soldiers!!

On Monday we went to Masada and the Dead Sea. What a trip!! When they say you float, it is IMPOSSIBLE to describe, unless you actually experience it. From there we want to Eretz Bereshit, where we rode camels and had dinner at Sarah and Abraham's tent. Probably the funniest part of the night was when "Abraham's" cell phone rang!

Before we knew it, it was time for the final banquet and to say goodbye to our new friends from Minneapolis and Cleveland.

So now, I am contemplating lunch and what to do with the next seven hours.. A whole day in Jerusalem with no schedule to keep lies ahead of me!!!