Where I'm At

So, for the past couple of years, I've been trying to live a more kosher lifestyle.  I embraced the "uniform" of long skirts, modest tops, and covered my hair.  Much to the consternation of my family.

So where am I at, in November, 2012?  One step forward, two steps back.

I no longer cover my hair.  My mom made a comment that perhaps my hair being covered may have  been  an obstacle to my finding a job.  Can I say for certain she's wrong?  After a year of unemployment, I was beginning to get desparate to try anything that might make it easier for me to find a job.  And then at Rosh Hashanna, I got a really, really bad ear infection and the thought of trying to figure out not only what to wear, but what head covering to match and the act of putting somehthing on my head (brush, shampoo, anything included) was just too painful.  Yes, I still washed and brushed my hair, regardless of the discomfort, but I couldn't be bothered with a head covering (add to that the fact that I was given an antibiotic that didn't work initially, so my ear infection just got worse and worse).

At the same time, I was working at the Schwartz-Reisman Centre (the new JCC at Bathurst and Lebovic Campus Drive- just north of Rutherford) and while wearing skirts wasn't impossible or even difficult to choose (black.  I was allowed to wear black bottoms - skirt or pants and a black or white top with a vest given by the Centre) I found I was rolling over my skirt hem at the desk. So I went out and purchased my first pair of pants (well, 2 pairs) in 2 years.  So, do I still wear skirts? Yes.  Not as often, but at work - I now work at Youthdale Treatment Centres at Yonge and Dundas.  I wear skirts to work (except on Fridays when I can get away with the black fleece pants I wore at the SRC).  But I do still wear skirts, dress modestly and such.

But Gayla, what about keeping kosher, and all that other stuff?

We are still keeping kosher in the house.  Well - Kosher-Style.  I don't always buy kosher meat but we still do separate milk and meat.  The person who was supposed to contact me about kashering my kitchen never did contact me and I don't have their contact information, so I sort of dropped it.  The rabbi I was working with seems to have forgotten we exist, as he no longer responds to e-mails, nor has he sent any e-mails to see where we're at since before the High  Holy Days.  So, we've scaled back the kosherness of our home.  As I said, we still keep kosher - we don't eat pork or shellfish in the house.  I'm more lenient when it comes to pizza - but if the kids want meat on their pizza, it gets eaten off a paper plate.  Milk/meat mixture recipes are still prepared with soy instead of cow's milk, as I still won't mix milk and meat, but for the most part, we're much more lenient when it comes to what food is coming into our home.  I certainly won't accept someone bringing, say, pork rinds as a snack, but other than that, we're more lax - somewhat.

Shabbos is still important to me, and even though I'm working full time now and can't leave early on Friday night, I light the candles, even if it's late, and now that it's winter (snow has fallen, it's winter.  I don't care what the calendar says), it's chicken soup weather, so my slow cooker is getting a good workout with the long work hours - chicken soup gets readied Thursday night (I prep the veggies, and make sure there is chicken in the fridge to put in the pot in the morning) then Friday morning, I toss in the chicken, water, salt and pepper and my  other secret ingredients, and I put it in the slow cooker for the day.  It's hot and ready when I get home.  I've bought some frozen challahs because I haven't had a chance to make any fresh on my own - still trying to figure out my new schedule - and if I remember to take one out of the freezer, we also have a fresh, hot challah for Shabbos, as well.  Otherwise, I send Matthew a desparate text message that I forgot to take the challah out and can he please run to the bakery and get one for our table. 

But, Gayla, if Shabbos is still important to you, why are you driving, watching TV, using the computer, etc?

Because, to be completely honest, I was tired of fighting with my family.  My husband works Saturdays, and that's not going to change.  My children have pushed back against not using electronics on Saturdays since I tried to institute it - and I think I was incredibly fair.  The main floor was the "Shabbos Floor" where no electronics were used.  If they wanted to play their DS or watch TV, they could do so upstairs, or in the basement.  That lasted about a year.  When you're the only one in the household who is attempting to live a kosher lifestyle, it's virtually impossible to do so successfully.  I felt the support of my family wavering - from my immediate family (husband, kids) to my extended family (parents).  My friends were still very supportive - acknowledging that I shouldn't have to drive on Saturdays, and making arrangements for my kids to go on playdates that wouldn't require me to drive them, but it just got too hard to fight against my family all the time.  I never told the kids they couldn't go to friends' parties on Saturdays because my children attend a public school and most of the parties are on Saturdays.  So I'd be driving those days anyway. 

Gayla, are you happy with where you are now?

Yes and no.  I would have liked to have continued the way I was going, but the lack of support was just making it too hard.  So, I have had to make the adjustments, since no one would adjust to me.  I guess you could call it an experiment.  My husband is still gung-ho about going to Israel for the girls' B'nei Mitzvot, and that is important to me. 

We still give tzedakkah (our charity of choice being Kfar Yeladim David in Jerusalem - a home away from home for Israel's disadvantaged children).  We sponsor a child there - Devorah is our "adopted" daughter and we have had the opportunity to meet with the directors both when I was in Israel and through frequent visits from them to Toronto where Team Toronto has worked hard at helping obtain funds and sponsors for the home.  I have to give kudos where kudos are due - my friends Dayna Caplan Switzer and Monique Singer have worked tirelessly for KYD by hosting them when they  have come to Toronto and bringing more people to listen to what it is that they do for children in Israel.

So, that's pretty much where I'm at